Replace Judgment with Curiosity

Written by Suzanne Conroy, M.Ed., PCC

In my practice, I see people getting stuck in their one-way thinking about situations, other people, and themselves. These are the stories we tell ourselves that keep us stuck. And the more a person thinks about things in this linear way, the more they perpetuate it.

This way of living is risky, as this narrow thinking can start shaping one’s identity and the way others see them. A person might pigeonhole themselves or be pigeonholed by others. This creates friction, disconnectedness, and often inner critics.

The work in leadership is to turn the flashlight back on yourself.

You might want to judge yourself or others, but that judgment will not create a path forward. And there is always a way forward, even in the harshest adversity.

Replace Judgment With Curiosity

Replace all your judgment with curiosity and explore other ways to look at everything: yourself, people, and situations.

Curiosity is a desire to learn. With our curiosity engaged, we become interested in something or someone. We want to understand. Curiosity creates openings into a new way of thinking and being.

Think about what happens when someone on your team does not do what you expected. You might want to judge them, but that judgment won’t create a path forward. Curiosity changes the conversation. Instead of deciding that they are difficult, unmotivated, or underperforming, ask:

What stood in your way? What help do you need? What do you wish was different?

The same applies when the judgment is directed inward.

Inquiry Invites Us to Learn More

Start asking yourself questions. Inquiry invites us to learn more. Inquiry is a natural response to uncertainty. Inquiry as beginning in a state of uncertainty and moving us toward greater understanding and resolution (1).

What story am I telling myself? What am I assuming about others? Do I think they’re difficult because I’m not sharing my ideas? Am I speaking up the way I want? Am I sharing my truth with them? Am I sharing my truth with myself?

Getting curious gives us answers, and often, a lot of them. More questions pop up, which helps us dig even deeper and get to our truth.

Working with curiosity and the power of questions creates an authenticity that otherwise might be skipped over or missed. Not every question will be the right one. Good ideas and clarity often can come out of a not-so-great question because they offer contrast.

There is also vulnerability in genuine inquiry. We ask because we do not already know. Opening ourselves to uncertainty can expose us to the possibility of judgment, rejection, and isolation (2). That requires openness to another answer, another perspective, or even another understanding of ourselves.

From Stuck to Unstuck

Curiosity can change the scene from stuck to unstuck. It creates and unveils new paths of possibilities. It generates dialogue, a sharing between you and your inner self and between you and others.

Leading from curiosity establishes connection and new energy. We learn and become more aware through the art of asking questions.

Curiosity does not mean avoiding difficult conversations, overlooking poor performance, or abandoning judgment altogether. It means becoming curious before deciding that we already understand what is happening.

Lead With Curiosity

I urge you to add more curiosity to your leadership at work with your coworkers and clients, and at home. Notice how it fuels your advancement and helps you guide and advance the people you lead. Curiosity creates connection, positive energy, confidence, and a new awareness of yourself and of others. Albert Einstein said, “I have no special talent. I am just passionately curious.”

Curiosity is a path forward. Always.

A Question to Consider

Where might judgment be keeping you stuck? What could become possible if you replaced it with curiosity?

Leadership coaching creates the space to explore the stories, assumptions, and patterns shaping how you lead, and to uncover new ways forward.

If you’re curious about what coaching could open up for you, let’s connect.

References

1. Lee, V. S. (2011). The power of inquiry as a way of learning. Innovative Higher Education, 36(3), 149–160. 
2. MacKenzie-Dawson, S. K. (2019). (Re)acquaintance with praxis: A poetic inquiry into shame, sobriety, and the case for a curriculum of authenticity. Journal of Curriculum Theorizing, 34(2), 72–83.